Diary of Albert E. Holland

December 20, 1944

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Dec. 20th – No action until this evening when some observation planes flew over – Later there were bombs dropped – Kit rumors stronger –

The Japanese cut our rice ration today down to 200 grams net per adult, 100 grams net per child under 10. Making adjustment for the Children, this means 180 grams net per person per day – caloric content about 650 calories. The rest of our food equivalent about 50 calories, so we are getting 700 calories starting tomorrow. They say that they may give us a substitute to make up the rice cut – I am skeptical. This is a 25% reduction in our net rice ration – From 240 to 180 – Since September the cut has been from 400 grams (300 Japs & 100 camp reserves) to 180, 55%.

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I weigh 97 now, and unless the relief kits or the soldiers come soon, I very much doubt that my physical strength will hold out – Mentally, I am hopeful, and far more alert than ever before – My spirits on the whole are high – But there is a physical limit to ebbing strength – My reason cannot overlook this.

The thought of death is not one to revel in – But it is a possibility (indeed, in my case, close to a probability), which must be faced – coldly, grimly – I would say disdainfully – I am sure that life still has much

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happiness which I have not yet experienced – But many times I have been very happy – perhaps more than I deserved – I have no complaints, I am not afraid – what Caesar says is true: Death, a necessary thing, will come when it will come –

My record in this camp is one you will not be ashamed of – But neither desire for glory nor hope of reward have been the driving force behind what I have done. I felt that certain things should be done and I did them – partly as an obligation, as a return for the sacrifices being made by men on the firing line (such as Billy & Tony) and partly for the very great happiness I find in being able to help others -I wish I could have done more –

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