Sunday, December 21, 1941

Shortest day in year, yet it Seemed interminable. Thoughts of Jim and realization that my conversation answered none of the important questions going through mind at night. Is Jim in Manila permanently or only until securing transportation to Negros? I feel sure he is there permanently but want to hear it before I have to actually face the fact. It is dreadfully lonesome and my heart skips a beat every time there is a sound like a plane. It seems that I do not go to bed to sleep but to lie awake wondering and wondering why we have been left alone, how I can plan for future. Can I get transportation for myself and two babies to Manila when this island is under almost daily air raids? I think the government will not permit this. Also, if I go to Manila I know it would be with only one handbag, this filled with milk and other necessities for babies. Thus there would be the possible loss of household equipment, personal belongings, silver, hand-embroidered Chinese linens, and other belongings dear to every woman’s heart, not to mention inability to take any of mine or husband’s clothes, except what I wear. Supply of milk for children and other canned groceries would also have to be left behind (probably not to be replaced now in Manila at any cost). And the trip on the boat with two babies and perhaps having to sleep on the floor or on deck. Could the children stand it? Probably a several days’ trip with unannounced landing at some point far from Manila. Can Jim support two households? Our expenses in Bacolod are no less since he left and his expenses, boarding in Manila, are high. Can we financially bear separate households? All sale cash now, many stores closed. Chinese grocery where we have had steady charge account now on cash basis.

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