Jan. 1, 1983

1974-1979, 1983 Marcos Diary Black Book_Page_144

1974-1979, 1983 Marcos Diary Black Book_Page_145

1974-1979, 1983 Marcos Diary Black Book_Page_146


I had sought to protect the sacredness and preciousness of my memories of the war with the sanctity of silence. So I had refused to talk or write about them except in an indirect way when forced to as when I offered my medals to the dead for I believed all such medals belonged to them.

But the sanctity of silence has been broken by the pettiness and cynicism that overwhelms the contemporary world. And the small souls whose vicarious achievement is to insult and offend the mighty and the achievers have succeeded in trivializing the most solemn and honorable of deeds and intentions. Their pettiness has besmirched with the foul attention the honorable service of all who have received medals and citations in the last World War. They have not excluded me. But instead have made me their special target as the most visible of those who offered blood, honor and life to our people.

So I must fight the battles of Bataan all over again. We must walk our Death March in the hot April sun once again. The Calvary of the USAFFE must again be told.

For we bleed and die again. This time in the hands of men who claim to be our countrymen.

(The Philippines News Story)


Nov. 25, 1977

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1974-1979, 1983 Marcos Diary Black Book_Page_131

1974-1979, 1983 Marcos Diary Black Book_Page_133



And so I ended my personal war without any sense of victory but weighed down by the tears that could not flow.

My hope was that I could heal the scars of my spirit, more galling than those of my body.

My right abdominal muscles were cut through never to grow back and my left knee was mangled.

But the injury of my soul was deeper and despairing.